What To Say

It can be difficult to know what to say to the family of the deceased to express your sympathy. To begin, offer your condolences to the family. If you are comfortable, share a memory of the deceased. In this difficult time, sharing the joy of the deceased’s life can help comfort the bereaved. For example, “I was so sorry to hear of Mary’s passing. She was always such a wonderful friend to me."

What To Wear

When attending a memorial service or funeral, dress in dark and subdued colors, such as dark blues, grays, browns, and black. Be sure to dress simply and conservatively. Men are encouraged to wear a jacket and tie paired with dress shoes, while women should choose either a dress or a suit. Any jewelry should be subtle and traditional. 

Arriving

When attending a funeral or a service, do your best to be on time. Please enter the facility as quietly as possible. If there are no ushers present, remember that the first few rows of seats are usually for the immediate family and close friends. Acquaintances should appropriately seat themselves in the middle or towards the rear.

When To Visit

Upon learning of a death, it is customary for family and close friends to visit the home of the bereaved to extend their sympathy and support. This period can be incredibly overwhelming for the grieving family. Offering assistance with childcare, food preparation, receiving visitors, or making service arrangements can provide significant comfort during this challenging time. Additionally, it's important to visit the funeral home to express your condolences, as they have facilities to accommodate visitors during these services.

Sending Flowers

Sending flowers is a wonderful way to express your sympathy to the family of the deceased and can bring comfort in a difficult time. Flowers are a meaningful gift that can be enjoyed during and after the funeral service.

You can send floral arrangements and plants directly to the family's home or to the funeral home to be present at the services.

What Not To Say

Try not to give comments that minimize the loss, such as "It's probably for the best, because he was suffering too much," or "I've been in your shoes myself." These will not provide comfort to the bereaved. Wait for the family to discuss the cause of death. Do not bring it up yourself.

Keep The Line Moving

Visitations can be very emotional, especially when interacting with the family of the deceased. If there is a line to speak with the bereaved and view the casket, be mindful of keeping it moving. After you pass through, step to the side to continue your conversation or allow the family member to greet other guests. The family is often more available to talk after the service has concluded.

Mobile Phone Use

Smartphones should be turned off or silenced completely during the service. Checking your phone is noticeable and is a distraction to those who are trying to pay their respects. If you must return a message or receive a call, exit the service quietly.

Children

Allowing a child to attend a memorial or funeral service can help them say goodbye to a friend or loved one. It is important to not force a child to go but instead encourage them to share in this tribute with the rest of the family. Before attending, help prepare them by explaining what they might see at the service.

Gifts

This can be a very draining time for a family. The gift of food is a kind gesture that the family will deeply appreciate and help alleviate the stress of funeral planning and mourning.

Remembering children in the family is a thoughtful gesture, as a funeral is often a difficult time for them as well. A small gift like a stuffed animal or a book is best.

Time is precious. Helping with household tasks eases the family's burden. Caring for pets, driving children to school, running errands, or helping around the house are wonderful ways to help the family.